Want China Times, Xinhua 2013-07-01
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| A gay parade in Changsha, the capital of Hunan province. (Photo/CNS) |
Xiao Kai, a
gay man from central China's Henan province, finally gathered the courage to
tell his parents about his sexual orientation with the help of a support group
that is helping many other gay Chinese come out to their friends and relatives.
Xiao Kai is
the single son of a rural family from a village outside the city of
Pingdingshan, where traditional beliefs dictate that men must continue the
family bloodlines.
Although he
initially tried to ease the pressure from his family to settle down by hiring a
"fake" girlfriend, he eventually realized that he had to tell them
the truth.
"I was
tired of fooling my parents and hurting others," said Xiao Kai, who lives
in the provincial capital of Zhengzhou with his boyfriend.
Although he
said his honesty was a shock to his parents, he said they finally accepted his
orientation on the condition that he would not bring his boyfriend back to
their village.
Xiao Kai's
courage largely came from a support network called Parents, Families and
Friends of Lesbians and Gays China, a non-governmental organization that
comprises nearly 150 families of lesbians and gays nationwide.
Founded in
2008, PFLAG China works to support the relatives and friends of gays and
lesbians, as well as helps gays and lesbians during the difficult "coming
out" process. The organization has set up a hotline to promote better
understanding for those in the LGBT community that is manned by the parents of
lesbians and gays who wish to share their stories and experiences.
Wu Tao, a
PFLAG China worker who organizes events for the families of gays and lesbians,
said large-scale meetings will be held for the families in 11 cities.
Xiao Kai
took his parents to a meeting in Zhengzhou, where parents shared their stories
and experiences.
"As
long as my family supports me, I can neglect all other humiliations or
prejudices," he said, adding that relatives play a crucial role as a
social buffer.
Long-standing
traditions regarding marriage and the continuation of one's bloodline have
resulted in many "fake" marriages, with gay men marrying straight
women to deflect pressure from their relatives.
China has
at least 10 million "gay wives," according to sexologist Zhang
Beichuan, who added that nearly 90% of gay men are already married to or will
eventually marry heterosexual women.
Chinese law
has not specifically banned homosexual marriage, though a high-profile official
from the Civil Affair Departments publicly announced a prohibition a few years
ago, according to Zhang.
Zhang has
called for amending the existing marriage law in order to allow same-sex
marriage, as well as for more efforts to educate the public about the issue.
"Non-governmental
organizations like PFLAG have helped to provide care and opportunities for
communication for families in need," Zhang said.
"A
Yi," a 52-year-old gay man, married a straight woman to conceal his
orientation from his parents.
"It
was difficult to come out in the last three decades, as most of us had to
pretend to be straight," he said, adding that it took years for him to
come to terms with his orientation.
China
decriminalized homosexuality in 1997 and in 2001 removed it from an official
list of mental disorders.
"Recently,
I've seen same-sex couples walking down the street hand in hand. Many are no
longer hiding from public," A Yi said.
Zhang said
gays and lesbians are gaining confidence, adding that the public also has a
growing awareness of personal rights and tolerance.
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A gay couple get married in public in Fujian province.
(Internet photo)
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